"19 Beers For 19 Years"

"It was a chilly evening in early February. A young man was stuck working in the school library until late into the evening. Being his birthday, he was annoyed that his job was cutting into his drinking time. He couldn't wait for the clock to strike 9:00 so he could leave the dreaded library and begin the celebration. The time seemed to drag on endlessly. It was torture. Finally, the time had come. He grabbed his jacket, and raced back to his dorm room, where an entire case of beer waited for him. Little did he know of the terror which hid at the bottom of that case...

When he got back to his room, several of his friends had already assembled there and had begun drinking. It was a week night, but that did not stop these brave souls from tempting fate. The man had some catching up to do, and quickly slammed back his first few brews. He had come up with a devious and dangerous plan to celebrate his birthday this year. One beer for every year he had lived thus far. It was his 19th year. That meant 19 beers. As it was already getting late, he had no time to lose.

With his loyal drinking buddies by his side, the man persisted through the first 6 beers with little effect. After all, he was no lightweight. At some point, the group started a pagan ritual known only as "The RAG Drinking Game" which increased the rate at which the alcohol was consumed. As the night wore on, the beers continued to flow freely. One by one, the friends began to mysteriously vanish, not having the courage to stick around and see the final outcome of this maniacal feat.

As the hour of midnight came and went, only a handful of beings remained. The man was loaded. His friends were as well. But he did it... He did it! He finished his 19th beer! He also vomited all over his bathroom. And stumbled around the room in a drunken stupor. But he did it! For the moment, he was a god! He demanded to be worshipped! With his last bit of strength, he picked up the phone, and called one of the friends who had departed. And that phonecall has been captured for all eternity. The sheer commitment to his cause and total drunkeness is still obvious in the sound of the man's voice, even many years later. Some say his words still echo throughout the halls of that dorm..."

Coming Soon... Actual Sound Clips From The Legendary Phone Call

"The YooHoo Bomb"

" It was a dark and misty night. It had rained all day, and the ground was wet outside. The smell of damp grass hung thickly in the cool air. The halls of Kostka echoed with boredom. The occasional sound of a Meister Brau can being popped open could be heard cutting through the silence. An eerie night indeed, and the type of night that almost always encouraged mischievous activity.

In room 316 of the dorm, a group of young men sat around, drinking beers, and plotting. As they took swigs from their Meister Brau, Golden Anniversary, and Natural Light, one of the guys remembered a spare M-80 firecracker he had stashed away from the previous Fourth of July. He shared the thought with the group, and they all agreed: blowing shit up was fun.

Next, they needed to figure out what they would blow up. And where would they blow it up? And how would they make sure they weren't caught? Obviously, seeing several guys running from a certain spot, only to have an explosion go off a few seconds later, would be rather suspicious. There was a recent care package in the room, sent by one of the guy's mother. Sorting through it, there wasn't much left... Some stale candy, an unopened box of some healthy nut mix, and 2 three-packs of Yoohoo drink boxes. Checking the expiration date on the bottom of the Yoohoo, it had expired. Perfect.

With the use of some generic duct tape, the bomb was carefully constructed. The Yoohoo drink boxes were wrapped in a tight circular-like shape to form a ring. In the middle of the ring, the M-80 firecracker was snugly fit in place, with the fuse sticking out above the tops of the boxes. The bomb was ready.

Now all they needed was a plan. Where would they set it off? How would they make a clean getaway? After thinking about this some more, it was decided that the safest place to watch it go off would be from the window of the dorm room. Looking out the window, they saw the perfect location: a yellow fire hydrant, in clear view from the window. The exploding chocolate drink against the yellow paint would make for an incredible spectacle. Great. But how would they be able to plant it, and get away in time to watch it from the safety of the dorm room? Then someone remembered a trick from a movie. How someone who was planting a bomb or lighting explosives or something had used a cigarette as a delayed fuse. They lit the cigarette, smoked it a bit, then tore off the filter and stuck the fuse into the unlit end. The cigarette continued to burn, and the fuse eventually caught, igniting the explosion. It was worth a shot. They had cigarettes easily available.

The fellow who owned the Yoohoo and M-80 agreed to be the one to plant the bomb. He hid the bomb under his shirt, borrowed a lighter and cigarette, and headed out. Once he got outside, he lit the cigarette, and smoked it. He scouted out the area, and it seemed clear. Looking up at the window of his room, he could see the group watching him anxiously. He calmly walked over to the fire hydrant, and took the bomb out from under his shirt. The young man casually (as casually as anybody planting a bomb can act) bent over and placed the Yoohoo bomb at the bottom of the hydrant, facing the window so they could watch the explosion in its full glory. Looking around, there was still nobody in sight. The poor weather had kept most people indoors this night, which would mean there were even more students in the dorm to hear the explosion when it went off. An evil smile crossed his face as he took the lit cigarette from his mouth, and carefully ripped off the filter. He crouched down again, and gently forced the tip of the bomb's fuse into the unlit end of the cigarette, the tobacco and insides exposed where the filter had been torn away. He got up, and slowly walked back to the door of the dorm. Once inside, he ran up the stairs back to the room, wanting to not miss the fireworks...

When he got to the room, he was met with praise and congratulations on a well-executed placement of the bomb. It hadn't gone off in the seconds it had taken him to get back upstairs. But they could see the smoke of the cigarette still burning. They gathered around the window watching with great anticipation. There was no telling when it would go off. And there was some speculation that their makeshift ripped-cigarette delayed fuse wouldn't work at all.

Minutes passed. All eyes remained on the bomb and the small trail of smoke that arose from its location. The group was starting to get nervous that it wouldn't work. And those fears seemed to be coming true as the smoke began to diminish with each passing minute. It looked as if the cigarette would burn out before igniting the fuse. As more minutes passed, the expectations began to fade. It didn't work. They'd have to go down, claim the bomb, and try again some other time.

Just as they were about to give up on it, a car pulled up next to the dorm, and stopped. They recognized the glowing sign attached to the top of the car. It was a Dominos Pizza delivery man, here to bring piping hot pizza to some hungry students in less than 30 minutes. As he got out of the car, the group realized that his path to the door of the dorm would take him right past the fire hydrant where the bomb was placed. Would he notice the bomb or the small amount of smoke that still lingered around it? As he walked past, he didn't give the bomb a second look, totally oblivious. And then, suddenly, a spark flared from the top of the bomb as the fuse of the M-80 caught on, and the smoke quickly spread. Within seconds, there was a loud blast, and the chocolate liquid was sent spraying in every direction! The Dominos delivery guy jumped in the air at the sudden noise! Being the valiant delivery warrior, he clung tightly to the pizza box, not letting his fright interfere with his duty to deliver the pizza. As he looked around for the source of the noise, the group yanked the curtain closed, and erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Their innocent bomb had worked, and a poor innocent pizza delivery man had been victimized by it. Or was he innocent? Perhaps he deserved the fright, as he had on more than one occasion been late with their pizza, and refused to give it to them free. So, that night, justice was served.

And, years later, that yellow fire hydrant outside of Kostka is still scarred by the chocolate stains of the legendary Yoohoo Bomb... "